


I Want Your Life

by MarieCarro



Category: Twilight Series - Stephenie Meyer
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-14
Updated: 2014-05-14
Packaged: 2018-01-24 17:40:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,295
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1613657
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MarieCarro/pseuds/MarieCarro
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bella Swan hates her employer, Alice Cullen. She’s the mother of the girl Bella takes care of—and wishes was her own—and is also the wife of Edward Cullen, the man she’s loved from the moment she first laid eyes on him. The woman has everything Bella wants, and she’s prepared to do anything to take it from her, even kill. Entry for The Seven Deadly Sins Twific Contest on FF.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Want Your Life

**Entry for The Seven Deadly Sins Twific Contest**

**Title:** I Want Your Life

 **Sin Chosen:** Envy

 **Beta'd by:** Mylisssa

 **Summary:** Bella Swan hates her employer, Alice Cullen. She’s the mother of the girl Bella takes care of—and wishes was her own—and is also the wife of Edward Cullen, the man she’s loved from the moment she first laid eyes on him. The woman has everything Bella wants, and she’s prepared to do anything to take it from her, even kill.

 **Warnings:** Major Character Death and Graphic Lemon

~***~

I heard her expensive designer heels click on the hardwood floor long before she appeared in the doorway, but I could never be fully prepared for the unadulterated hatred I felt course through my body when she breezed through the room.

Her waist-long, perfectly wavy, shiny, black hair blew through the air behind her, and I wanted to claw those beautifully shaped grey eyes from their sockets—even more so when her pearl-white teeth were revealed with the radiant smile that stretched across her face when her gaze landed on the small girl in the room.

“There’s my beautiful princess,” she exclaimed with her bell-like voice before she crouched down and opened up her arms for the girl who was running happily toward her mother.

“Mommy!” she yelled and threw her tiny arms around her mother’s neck and buried her face in her mother’s hair.

She was never that excited when she saw me, but I knew the girl loved me, too. It was the only comfort I had during this hour of the day.

I got up from my place on the floor and walked up to the sickly sweet embrace, trying not to compare my boring jeans and shirt with her perfectly fitted pantsuit.

“I’ll just go downstairs and ask Rosalie to start preparing Contessa’s lunch,” I said quietly with a forced smile that I hoped appeared genuine. No one in the house would ever suspect what I really felt for the mother of Contessa and my employer: Alice Cullen, or Mrs. Cullen, as I called her.

Mrs. Cullen stood up with Contessa still in her arms. She smiled right back at me, and I wanted to throw up. “Thank you, Bella.” She turned her head toward her daughter. “Say thank you, Tessa.”

“Thank you, Miss Bella!”

I nodded toward them both, my smile still glued on my face, and made my way toward the kitchen. Before I reached the stairs, I heard Contessa ask Mrs. Cullen where her father was.

“Daddy will be home soon, princess.”

I suppressed a longing sigh when I thought of Contessa’s father and Mrs. Cullen’s husband.

Edward Cullen was the most handsome, kindest man that had ever walked on this earth, and he was the great love of my life. I had loved him since the first moment I saw him three years ago at my interview for the employment as Contessa’s live-in nanny.

It annoyed me to no end that Mrs. Cullen was married to the first and only man that I had ever loved, and even worse, _he_ loved _her_ with his entire being. His wife and daughter were the center of his universe. When she was around, I could just as easily have been a painting on the wall that had lost its allure, but when I was alone with Contessa, his praise for my caring for his daughter made me all warm inside.

In my mind, I imagined that he would have loved me back if Mrs. Cullen hadn’t been in the way. I was positive of it because he was always so kind to me, and I knew that he liked me because Contessa loved me.

But it all came down to Mrs. Cullen.

She had _everything_ that I wanted. She had my dream home, she was mother to the child I raised and cared for, and she had my dream husband, _literally_. I couldn’t keep count of how many times I’d dreamed of being the woman in her place.

I entered the kitchen and found the maid and cook, Rosalie McCarty, cutting up fruit which she was placing in the mixer for one of those health smoothies that Mrs. Cullen always drank when she got home from work.

“Hey, Rosalie! When you’re done with Mrs. Cullen’s smoothie, you can start on Contessa’s lunch, okay?”

Rosalie glared at me over her shoulder. She had never liked me, but I did not know why. I’d never done anything to warrant the way she treated me.

“It’s already in the oven, Isabella,” she said with her thick Irish accent. She was the only one in the entire house who called me Isabella. I was only Bella to the others, even her husband, Emmett McCarty, who worked for Edward as a groundkeeper.

“Great! I’ll just pour her some juice then.” I hadn’t even touched the handle of the refrigerator when Rosalie stopped me.

“Don’t bother! I plan to press fresh juice when I’m done with this smoothie. I’ll call for ye when Miss Cullen’s lunch is ready.”

I had learned over the years to not let Rosalie get to me, but I still remembered how she’d made me cry the first time she talked to me that way. I was always polite to her, but she continued to behave like the little bitch she was. I believed it had something to do with the fact that she couldn’t have any children, a fact that had been relayed to me by Emmett.

“Fine, I’ll be in the garden while I wait,” I said and for the sake of provoking her, I grabbed the bottle of water she’d just taken out of the refrigerator. She didn’t even honor me with a reply, but her scowl gave me the only answer I needed.

As soon as I stepped foot outside of the French doors that led to the pool area and garden, I felt the need to pull my brown hair on top of my head so that I could air my neck in the humid air. I also unbuttoned my shirt to reveal the lace tank I had underneath.

I looked longingly toward the sun-bathing chairs, and I decided that I would ask Contessa if she’d like to play in the pool tomorrow.

The downside of being a live-in nanny was that I was never off the clock. My job was to literally be Contessa’s secondary mom, and as soon as her first mom was unavailable, I had to be able to step in with a second’s notice.

My free time was very limited, and I hadn’t really done anything for my own pleasure in three years, but that wasn’t what bothered me the most.

I had nothing against being a mom to Contessa because I loved her as if she was my own. I would happily trade all of my free time for the chance of being her _only_ mom, but the fact still remained that it wasn’t me she squealed in delight to see at the end of the day.

From my spot, I saw Edward pull into the driveway, and I immediately made a show of being extremely hot. I used my bottle of water to cool my neck and I closed my eyes while I appeared to be panting because of the humid air.

I even went so far as to pour some water into my hand and splash it onto my chest. It was a pathetic show of desperation, but I was a good actress and for an outsider it would look as if I was completely clueless as to what my actions would do to a man.

But apparently, so was Edward.

I knew he’d seen me when he exited his car because it was inevitable, but his step hadn’t even faltered while he made his way inside his house.

I shook the water droplets off my hand violently. A frustrated sigh escaped me, but then I accidentally saw my own reflection in the pool, and I wanted to throw the bottle at it just to get it to dissolve.

Of course he didn’t look at me when he had his perfect, beautiful wife inside playing with his little princess.

I guess I could be called beautiful amongst normal people, but compared to Alice Cullen I looked like a plastic surgery gone wrong.

My eyes were too small, with heavy eyelids and a boring brown color that would make anyone roll their eyes at the normalcy. My nose was too big and my lips were too thin. My hair was a straight, tangled mess that reached below my shoulder blades, and no matter how much I tried, I could never get it as shiny as Mrs. Cullen’s.

I could go on the entire day about what was wrong with my appearance compared to the perfection of Mrs. Cullen.

Of course Edward wouldn’t even spare me a glance when he had _that_.

I went back inside and saw that Rosalie was not in the kitchen anymore, and I noted that the oven was turned off. I let out a low growl underneath my breath when I realized that she’d taken the food to Contessa herself. Who knew what excuse she made to Mrs. Cullen as to why it wasn’t me who did it.

I met the bitch on the stairs, and I glared at her. “You said that you would tell me when the food was ready,” I stated through clenched teeth.

Rosalie raised an eyebrow at me. “I’m sorry, but ye appeared to be busy trying to gain Mr. Cullen’s attention with that water bottle.”

I didn’t show her my embarrassment. I knew better than to give her that ammo. “I was hot,” I replied curtly.

Rosalie huffed. “I’d say! Like a fuckin’ cat in heat!”

“Get out of my way!” I pushed the woman aside and continued toward the upstairs dining room, which was the room the family used for their private meals, as opposed to the larger dining room downstairs that was used during their dinner parties.

I entered the room in time to see Mrs. Cullen finish up cutting Contessa’s food into smaller pieces. Edward was there, as well, eating on an apple in a way that should be illegal. Who would think biting into a fruit could be sexy?

“What have you been up to, Bella?” Mrs. Cullen asked sweetly. She wasn’t even irritated that I hadn’t done my job and it annoyed _me_.

Still, I didn’t complain about Rosalie’s actions. I knew that it would only direct the fire toward me. No employer liked to hear their staff pass the blame onto each other.

“I was out in the garden. I’m sorry that I wasn’t the one to bring up Contessa’s lunch.”

Edward chuckled and the sound caused tingles in my entire body. “I believe it would take more than a trip up the stairs to kill Rosalie. Just relax, Bella. You’ve taken care of Tessa all day. I believe you deserve some off time, even if it’s only a few minutes,” he said with the most beautiful smile ever directed straight at me.

“Still, I should have—”

“Just hush!” Mrs. Cullen said, interrupting me. “What’s important right now is that you have a nice dress to wear—something other than that black one you’ve worn so many times now.”

I shook my head. “Sorry, no. That’s the only one I have.”

“I’ll send you out with Vanessa then. She can help you find a new dress before this evening.”

Vanessa was Mrs. Cullen’s personal shopper. She helped the entire family when they needed new clothes, and I had sometimes been lucky enough to get her advice. No one knew clothes better than Vanessa.

“Why do I need a dress?

“We’re having a small dinner party with a few important people later this evening, and I need you and Tessa to be present, so you have to be dressed accordingly.”

Mrs. Cullen pressed a few buttons on her cell before she looked up at me again. “Vanessa will come and get you in ten minutes. Edward and I will take care of Tessa in the meantime. See this as your time off.” She smiled radiantly at me, and her displayed kindness caused Edward to kiss her temple lovingly.

It felt as if someone squeezed my heart in their iron fist when I saw that. It should be me he kissed like that and looked at with pure love shining from his eyes, not her.

“Thank you, Mrs. Cullen,” I said with as much fake gratitude as I could muster in that moment and left the little family alone. I couldn’t stomach any more of what transpired in there.

My hands were clenched into fists as I walked to my room to get my jacket and purse. I really hoped that shopping for a new dress would get my mind off my pure envy of Mrs. Cullen.

She was only two years older than me, but she already had it all: love, family, home, and success, and what did I have? I hadn’t had a proper date in over three years, which had made it quite impossible for me to have a family of my own. I didn’t have my own home; I lived with my employer, and I was essentially a nobody. I was the Cullen family’s nanny. That was my title, and it would remain that way as long as I stayed with the family.

Anyone else would have quite a long time ago if they’d felt the way I did, but unfortunately, I was unable to do that because I loved Contessa and Edward, and I wouldn’t be able to go on without them.

When Vanessa arrived to pick me up, she immediately began babbling, and I missed the first few sentences, so I had absolutely no idea what she was talking about.

It wasn’t until I heard her throw in the names of the design boutiques that Mrs. Cullen always shopped in, that I realized she was talking about where she was going to take me.

“Hold your horses, Vanessa! I can’t afford a dress in those places.”

She rolled her eyes. “Oh, please! Mrs. Cullen gave me permission to use her card. She won’t be pleased if you show up in a dress bought at _Target_.” She actually wrinkled her nose when she said that as if it was offending to buy clothes that cost less than one hundred and fifty dollars.

I didn’t put up a fight because I knew that it was no use. Vanessa was right. Mrs. Cullen would have a fit if I didn’t come back home with a designer dress, so I just went with it and let Vanessa do her thing.

She dragged me into several stores and even though I tried to tell her what I liked and could imagine buying, she wasn’t listening. It was obvious she was looking for something special, and she wouldn’t stop until she found it.

Eventually, she did though, and she held the pale yellow, floor-length gown up in front of me. “It’s perfect! This color will look fabulous on you.”

I had shopped with Vanessa before, therefore she knew my size, so without asking me to try it on, she brought it up to the cashier.

“You’ll be a real sight tonight,” she said and swiped the black credit card with ease. She didn’t even react to the price.

“I don’t want to take any attention away from Mrs. Cullen. It’s her party.”

Vanessa snorted as if the idea was preposterous. “Oh, honey, I’m sorry to say it, but when Mrs. Cullen is close, it would be impossible for you to take any attention away from her.”

I felt anger rise inside of me again. I hated to get it confirmed by an outer party how much I was lacking compared to my employer.

But as always, I swallowed it down. I couldn’t let anyone see my contempt. Instead, I let out a girlish giggle. “Yeah, that’s true. Mrs. Cullen’s one of the most beautiful women I know.” It wasn’t a lie, but it didn’t make it any easier to swallow.

~***~

I let out a genuine laugh when Contessa excitedly pulled me toward the buffet table and asked me to put together a plate for her. She was just so cute in her little rose-colored dress, and it made the black color of her hair and her green eyes pop out even more, which made her even cuter.

Contessa was definitely giving her mother a run for her money when it came to who was the star of the evening.

When I’d handed Contessa her plate, she walked away from me and sat down on a couch by the window, her plate perched on her knee. I reached to grab a few napkins and was about to join her when I felt a presence behind me.

“You look very beautiful tonight, Bella,” I heard behind me, and I shuddered at the voice that uttered them. It was so smooth, so deep and masculine, and I had to swallow the pathetic whimper that almost escaped me when I felt him brush up against my side to stand next me and watch his daughter with me.

The smile on his face was one of content, and I knew that it was his princess that put it there.

“She’s growing so fast,” he stated with a tint of sadness in his voice. Like any parent, he hated to know that his time with her was limited.

“Yeah, it’s unbelievable how much she’s grown since I started here, but then again, that was three years ago.”

Edward turned his head toward me. “Has it really been three years? Wow, time does fly.”

“It sure does. I often wish it would just stop.”

“Why?”

I chuckled lightly. “Well, I’m not exactly getting younger, and I’m not even close to starting my own family yet.”

Edward frowned, and he appeared to think very hard on something. “You know, if taking care of Contessa takes up too much of your time, we can always hire one more nanny. It wouldn’t be a—”

“Oh no! That’s not what I was saying at all!” I hurried to assure him. “I love taking care of Contessa, and I love working for you. I just fantasize about having my own family besides yours.”

Edward placed his hand on my bare shoulder, and the warmth that radiated from it spread through me in a nanosecond. I wanted more of his touch. I wanted him to cup my face and bring it toward him before he kissed me sweetly. I wanted him to grab my waist and pull me as close to him as possible because he couldn’t bear for there to be any air between us. I wanted him to take my hand and bring me to his bedroom. I wanted him to push me up against the wall and ravish me.

I wanted it all and even more.

My thoughts did not distract me completely, though, and I noticed the amused glint in his forest green eyes. “You know, there are plenty of bachelors at this party. I’m sure that with the way you look tonight, you would be able to ensnare at least one of them. I can even help you.”

“Mr. Cullen, are you trying to set me up with one of your associates? I’m sorry to disappoint you, but no one’s caught my eye tonight. There are too many distractions.”

I was about to head down a dangerous path with what I was saying, but Edward was already aware of my sassy mouth. He’d told me that it had been the source of his amusement many times.

“What kind of distractions? Apart from the obvious, of course.” He nodded toward his daughter who was in the middle of licking her greasy fingers.

I grabbed the napkins that I’d intended to bring to her before and turned fully toward Edward. “Just like your wife is the most beautiful, you are without a doubt the most handsome.” I started to make my way toward Contessa and Edward followed. “Believe me, had you been one of those bachelors tonight, you wouldn’t have been safe from the vultures that are the women at this party.”

I leaned down and handed Contessa a napkin so she could wipe her face while I helped her clean her small, precious hands.

I also heard Edward’s very amused laugh behind me, and I watched him over my shoulder from my crouching position.

“Oh, believe _me_ , Bella, if I had been one of those bachelors tonight, _you_ wouldn’t have been safe from _me_!”

My heart almost stopped. I wasn’t sure if I’d heard him correctly, but when he grabbed my hand to help me straighten out and then brought it up to his mouth to place a feather-light kiss on it—which caused Contessa to giggle—I knew that I had.

I wanted to jump up and down with joy. I’d known it from the beginning. Edward _did_ want me, and this was my proof, but as always, Mrs. Cullen ruined it all.

“Are you seducing the nanny, Edward? Should I be afraid that you might replace me with something younger soon?”

Edward immediately let go of my hand, and I felt like crying. The hand he’d held mine in was now wrapped around his wife’s small waist, and he was smiling widely at her.

“Not at all, darling! No one could replace you, Alice. It was just some harmless flirting.”

My heart was on the verge of breaking after he’d said that.

Contessa was my very savior at that moment, because she yawned big and rubbed her eyes. “I guess that’s my cue to retire,” I said with a smile that didn’t reveal at all what I felt inside, and I thankfully grabbed Contessa’s hand and started to lead her upstairs.

Edward stopped us at the bottom of the stairs. “If you come back down after she’s asleep, I’ll honor my word to you and help you find a good suitor.” He winked, and I couldn’t stop myself from laughing at him.

“Thank you for the offer, but I’m too tired to continue, I’m afraid. Maybe next time.”

“I’ll hold you to that,” he said and pointed at me with a smirk before he went back to the party and his wife.

~***~

It was stupid of me to consider it, but Contessa was absorbed in her toys and I had the house to myself. I couldn’t let the moment pass me by, so acting like a thief, I checked the empty corridor before entering the master bedroom.

Everything called for me at once, and I barely knew where to start.

Quietly, I walked up to her vanity and looked at myself in the mirror.

Whenever I was alone like this, and I could pretend that Mrs. Cullen didn’t exist, I thought of myself as beautiful. I could suddenly see the arch of my untrimmed eyebrows, the natural pout of my lips, my high cheekbones, and narrow chin. The widow’s peak on my hairline made my face appear heart-shaped.

I reached for her perfume carefully so that I wouldn’t disturb any of her creams. The subtle flower scent washed over me, and I wished that I could afford to buy the perfume myself, but as it was, I had to settle with stealing hers from time to time.

I took my time to go through her creams. Some of them I tried on, but others I passed. I was mostly interested in those for the bags underneath my eyes, and the moisturizers that smelled of citrus.

When I felt satisfied by the vanity, I continued toward the closet.

The huge room was separated so that her clothes were on the right and Edward’s on the left. I let my hand slide gently over the fabrics, and when I felt the softness of silk underneath my fingertips, I couldn’t stop myself.

I undressed and pulled the beautiful nightgown over my head and let the soft fabric caress my naked skin. The fact that I wasn’t wearing any underwear made the sensation even better.

I crossed the room toward Edward’s laundry basket and found the shirt he wore the night before. I pressed it against my nose and inhaled his scent deeply into my lungs. It made me moan, and my nipples hardened underneath the nightgown.

With the shirt still pressed against my nose, I scraped my nails over the pebbled peaks. I started panting, and I could feel myself becoming very wet. The liquid was going down my thighs, and I had to rub them together to get some friction.

I imagined that Edward came inside the closet and found me there, but he wasn’t angry. His eyes were filled with lust, and he would stride toward me determinedly. He would tear the nightgown from my body and then take me against the wall. The mirror on the doors would make it possible for me to see his back and ass while he thrust into me forcibly. I would be able to see all of his muscles as they contracted with his movements.

I moaned again, and even though I hadn’t even touched myself, I could already feel my orgasm approaching.

That was when I heard the slam of the front door, and I snapped out of the pre-orgasmic haze I was in.

I didn’t matter what I fantasized. If Edward found me in here, I would be in trouble. I would most likely lose my job, and it would be even worse if Mrs. Cullen found me dressed in her nightgown, smelling of her perfume and creams.

I got dressed very quickly and hung the nightgown back up, but I couldn’t part with the shirt. It was the closest thing I could get to Edward, and I was sure he wouldn’t really miss it, so I folded it and tucked it underneath my own shirt in case I ran into someone in the hall.

Luckily, the hall was still empty when I peeked outside, and I hurried to hide the shirt in my room before I went back to the nursery and Contessa.

No one was ever the wiser of where I’d been.

~***~

I almost jumped out of my skin when the newspaper was thrown down on the table in front of me. I looked up to see Emmett smirk down at me.

“Looks like ye will have to work double shifts soon, lassie,” he said, his accent even stronger than his wife’s.

I didn’t understand what he meant by that, so I glanced down at the paper only to have the headline smack me in the face.

**_Mr. and Mrs. Cullen Announce New Addition to the Family_ **

Below was a picture of Mrs. Cullen embraced by Edward from behind, his hands resting on her stomach. Both of them were wearing big smiles, and I felt tears well up in my eyes.

During the party last month, I had made the biggest mistake of my life. I had allowed myself to hope that someday, if the marriage didn’t work, Edward would be mine, but with a new baby on the way, I realized that it would never happen.

If Edward had been wrapped up in his family before, he would be totally consumed by them now. There was absolutely no hope left.

I pushed my cup of coffee aside, suddenly feeling too nauseous to get anything down, and when the feeling reached the back of my throat, I shot up from my chair and ran to the sink where I threw up violently.

~***~

There had been complications—severe ones, and the mood was tangible in the entire house.

The air felt thick and difficult to inhale. It wasn’t as light in the house as before even though the windows were open to let some fresh air in.

Everything was just dull, but you wouldn’t suspect that if you set foot in the nursery.

Contessa was as happy as ever, completely oblivious to how weak her mother was, lying in a bed farther down the corridor—she thought that her mother would be up and walking again soon—and then there was little Hunter sleeping peacefully in my arms.

The boy had been completely healthy when he arrived, but the delivery had been difficult and caused Mrs. Cullen to start hemorrhaging. She had lost quite a lot of blood before they were able to stabilize her at the hospital, and the massive loss had placed Mrs. Cullen on bed rest for an unknown period of time.

Because of this, Mrs. Cullen hadn’t been able to nurse Hunter, and he was currently fed milk replacement.

Edward was out of his mind with worry for his wife, and he had barely been by the nursery to look at his son. It saddened and angered me at the same time because I could understand it since he loved Mrs. Cullen very deeply, but it angered me that even though she was lying in a bed, weak and fragile with ashy skin and matte hair, she still had all of his attention.

She had been lying in that bed for three weeks now, and Edward barely left her side.

It had caused both their children to turn to me.

Hunter didn’t want to leave my arms, and he never let anyone else pick him up from his crib except me, and even though Contessa still lit up with happiness when her father showed up and she asked about her mother and got the same answer, that she was still in bed, it was me she walked back to with heavy steps and buried her face in my hair for comfort.

I got a sick sense of satisfaction from that. I felt loved and fulfilled, knowing that if Mrs. Cullen stayed sick for much longer, she would be estranged from her children, and they would, for all intents and purposes, become mine. They would, especially Hunter, see me as their mother.

Another week passed and Mrs. Cullen could still barely sit up in her bed.

Edward started to avoid her room and only went in there for a few minutes each night. He said that he couldn’t stand seeing her lying like that and so he was now looking for distractions.

Those distractions became the children and me.

I always did everything during the day to keep the children happy. I arranged outings and picnics. I camped with Contessa in the nursery because she was too afraid to go on a real camping trip. I sang to Hunter to help him fall asleep faster, and I always brought them their meals.

When Edward started to join in on those activities, I couldn’t have been happier. In those moments, I could pretend that Edward and I were married and that Contessa and Hunter were _our_ children.

I made him laugh, and I raised and cared for his children. To others who did not know the story, it would look as if we were a happy family, and I wanted that.

God, I wanted it so much that I could scream.

After a few days, I had almost completely forgotten about Mrs. Cullen.

However, one day, about five weeks after Hunter’s birth, Edward and I came home after taking a walk with the children—Hunter in a baby carriage that I was pushing—and just as Edward opened the door for me, Rosalie appeared at the top of the stairs.

“Mr. Cullen!” she exclaimed and her eyes had a glow in them which could only mean one thing.

Edward saw it, too, and he immediately abandoned me and the children to run up the stairs to the room his wife lived in while she was sick.

The light and happy feeling that had resided in my heart for the past two weeks was immediately replaced with a dark feeling that spread from my chest to the rest of my limbs like a wildfire.

Why didn’t the nuisance just bleed out during labor? Everything would have been so much better.

Edward didn’t come to the nursery that night, or the next, but Mrs. Cullen was still too weak and fragile for Contessa and Hunter to see her, so the routine continued, although Contessa didn’t ask about her mother anymore.

I didn’t like what the family had developed into. I knew that when Mrs. Cullen got her strength back, both her children would be very confused as to where she had been, and they would feel uncomfortable. She was a stranger to them now.

I didn’t want to put them through that.

That was why I found myself taking Contessa and Hunter to the library so that while she read and Hunter slept, I researched different herbs.

One way or another, Mrs. Cullen had to be removed from the equation.

~***~

“How is she feeling?” I asked Rosalie over the counter where she stood and prepared one of those fucking smoothies again. My voice was laced with just enough concern to eliminate any suspicion.

“Much better. She can walk around without help now. A few more weeks and she will be like her old merry self again.”

I nodded. “Has she asked for the children?”

“Frequently. She wants to visit them, but both her husband and I have advised her against it. She wouldn’t be able to keep up with them in her condition.”

Rosalie walked away from the mixer and to the fridge. When she opened the door, she blocked her view of me and the mixer and I saw my chance. I revealed the dark berries that I had concealed in my hand—about twenty of them—and I let them fall into the mixer soundlessly.

When Rosalie reappeared from the fridge, she was carrying a tray of fruit and berries.

“What kind of smoothie are you doing this time?” I asked and nodded toward the mixer where milk, yoghurt and spices were already mixed together. The dark berries I’d added were not visible in the milky liquid.

“A mix of berries. I’ll add raspberries, blueberries and strawberries together with a dash of lemon juice and vanilla.” She frowned at me. “Why are ye wonderin’?”

I shrugged. “I was just curious, I guess.”

Rosalie did not take her suspicious eyes off me as she added the berries and mixed the smoothie. It was obvious that she didn’t trust me, but I didn’t care.

I kept my face completely smooth while Rosalie poured the drink. When the ding of the timer told me that Contessa’s lunch was ready, I got up from my chair to start preparing a bottle for Hunter. That was the only thing Rosalie allowed me to do in her kitchen.

When she had plated Contessa’s lunch, she put the smoothie on a tray and started for Mrs. Cullen’s room, while I took the tray with food and the bottle to the upstairs dining room where Contessa was waiting.

I almost dropped the tray when I saw that Edward was in there with Hunter in his arms. The boy was smiling at his father, and my heart melted at the sight.

Edward turned around when he heard me, and we exchanged smiles.

I handed Edward the bottle and he looked at me almost shocked. It caused me to giggle when I realized that Edward had probably never fed a baby, and he didn’t quite know what to do, so after I’d placed Contessa’s lunch in front of her, I walked up to him.

He confirmed my suspicions when he tried to hand the bottle back to me, but I shook my head at him.

“But I don’t know how…”

“I’ll help you,” I said and showed him how to hold the bottle. Gently, I directed his hand toward Hunter’s mouth so that he could take the nipple. Edward looked fascinated as he fed his son.

Later that evening, Rosalie frantically ran out of Mrs. Cullen’s room and called repeatedly for Edward. I suppressed my smile when I understood what was going on.

The berries’ affect had gotten to Mrs. Cullen, and I estimated that she had a few hours left at the most. However, I acted distressed and hurried out of the nursery and followed Rosalie.

“Rosalie? What’s going on?”

“Go back to the children,” she ordered. “Mr. Cullen?!” she called again and ran out to the garden where Edward was talking to Emmett.

“Why? What’s happening?”

We reached the men who looked up to see what all the fuss was about. “Mr. Cullen! Ye need to come with me right now! There’s somethin’ wrong with Mrs. Cullen!”

Emmett threw his shovel aside and both men began running toward the house, Rosalie and I fell behind as we weren’t as fast as the men.

Edward turned his head and looked at me. “What’s going on?” he asked me, and I shook my head.

“I don’t know!”

It was the first time that I had been inside Mrs. Cullen’s room since the birth of Hunter, and what I saw was a small, ashy-looking and quite pathetic creature curled up on the bed. Her expensive silk night gown was wrinkly, and there were sweat stains underneath her arms and on the front of the fabric.

Instinctively, I wanted to wrinkle my nose, but I refrained from it to keep up the act of a concerned employee.

She was practically bathing in her own sweat, and when she opened her eyes to look at us, her pupils were dilated to the point of making her eyes appear black.

She screamed out in pure terror, and I figured that it was the hallucinations caused by the belladonna berries I’d given her—a strong dose, too. Ten was enough to kill, and I’d given her twenty.

She was writhing on the bed, screaming, and I began to back away. I stared widely at her and clenched my teeth together to appear shocked at the sight.

The thud of my back against the door brought Emmett’s and Rosalie’s attention to me, and they both ordered me out of the room to be with the children. I was quick to obey them and left the room.

Once back in the nursery, I closed the door and leaned my back against it. I sank to the floor and exhaled deeply. I couldn’t really comprehend that Mrs. Cullen was actually dying by my hand at that very moment.

It was both an unsettling and euphoric feeling. I would finally be rid of her, and her life would be mine.

~***~

She was dead by midnight, and her funeral was held ten days later.

It was a big ordeal, lots of people attended and paid their condolences to Edward as he stood in his black suit, head bent down and hair everywhere as if he hadn’t combed it in days. He probably hadn’t.

A few came up to me and the children, too, to give pats on the back and head and give encouraging words. I thanked them all, but my main task was to keep Contessa’s mood up. At seven years old, she understood what was going on, and she was still crying silently.

I crouched down in front of her and cupped her face in my hands. She looked at me with wet eyes, and I tenderly wiped her tears away before enveloping her in my embrace. She hugged me as hard as she could and sniffled into my hair.

I comforted her as best as I could, but I knew that she would heal and move on soon. This was for the best even though it hurt right now.

Hunter was sleeping in his baby carriage, once again oblivious to what was going on around him, and it filled me with calm to know that he would never remember this day. It wouldn’t hurt him to think about it because he never knew his mother.

When the reception was over, the night had fallen outside, and the kids were asleep. I left the nursery and went looking for Edward.

I looked for him in every place I could think of, but when I had almost given up, I realized exactly where I would find him.

I gently opened the door to Mrs. Cullen’s room, and there was Edward, sitting on the floor with his back against the wall. His suit jacket had been discarded next to him, and the top buttons on his shirt were undone. He was disheveled and looked like a complete wreck.

I hated to know that I was the cause of his pain, even though he did not know it, but I knew he would heal and move on—just like Contessa—and hopefully with me by his side as more than just his nanny.

He didn’t look up as I approached him, but he acknowledged my presence when I sat down next to him by leaning heavily against me. My nursing instincts immediately took over, and I placed my arm around his shoulder while comfortingly stroking his hair. I didn’t care that the position was deemed to be inappropriate between employer and employee; I planned to be more soon anyway, and now was the time to make my move.

~***~

I was on my way upstairs when the doorbell rang and through the glass of the door, I saw one man and one woman in suits and two uniformed officers waiting behind them. I frowned in confusion and went to open the door.

“Yes?” I asked them once the door was open.

“Good afternoon, Miss! I am Detective Jasper Whitlock, and this is Criminal Investigator Angela Webber. We were hoping to talk with Mr. Cullen for a few minutes.”

I blinked, slightly shocked, but I invited them in anyway. “Uh, of course! C’mon in, and I’ll get him for you.”

“Thank you,” Detective Whitlock said with a smile.

I walked up the stairs and knocked on the door to Edward’s office. “Come in.”

When Edward saw that it was me, he smiled widely.

During the month that had passed since the funeral, our relationship had developed into a strong friendship, but I could occasionally see in his eyes that he was interested in more than a simple friendship, but he was still grieving Mrs. Cullen, and so I was biding my time.

“What can I do for you, Bella?”

“Uh, the police are here, Edward. They want to talk to you.”

The smile fell from his face as he stood up from his desk. “Where are the kids?” he asked.

“Hunter’s asleep and Contessa’s with her tutor,” I replied. Contessa had started first grade in the middle of the arrangements for Mrs. Cullen’s funeral, and it had caused her to have major concentration issues, so Edward had hired a tutor that helped Contessa with her homework after school.

“Good, then I want you with me.”

“Why?” I asked, feeling confused as to why he wanted me there.

“Because you keep me calm.”

The feeling that evoked in me made me want to throw my arms around his neck and kiss him, but we weren’t quite there yet, so I didn’t.

I followed him silently when he descended the stairs and shook hands with Detective Whitlock before he offered them to sit down in the living room. I gingerly sat down next to him on one of the couches, and I jumped with surprise when I felt his hand grab mine. I didn’t try to pull away, but his grip tightened when my weight shifted because of my jump.

“So what is this all about?” he asked the detective, and I turned my head away from him to look at the pair in front of us.

“I’m so sorry to just come to your house like this, but we have a few questions concerning the events around your wife’s death.”

“Why?” I spewed out before I could stop myself and the attention was immediately directed toward me.

“I’m sorry, Miss. Are you family?”

Before I could answer, Edward did it for me. “She’s a good friend of mine, and the one who takes care of my kids.”

That he didn’t simply call me his nanny was huge to me. He named me as his friend first, and I felt my heart make a strange double beat.

“Fine,” Detective Whitlock said. “And to answer your question, Miss…”

“Swan.”

“…Miss Swan, we have a reason to believe that Mrs. Cullen didn’t die a natural death, and we’re now investigating her murder.”

“Murder?” Edward’s eyes widened, and we exchanged looks of surprise with each other. My surprise was just as genuine as his because I couldn’t understand how they’d found out this information. The circumstances about Mrs. Cullen’s death had stayed inside of the house and no outsiders had seen her during her sick period.

“Mrs. Cullen died out of the result of a difficult labor,” I said, feeling slightly frightened, but I used that fear to my advantage. I didn’t mix it with nerves because I knew that it would be impossible to trace anything back to me.

“That’s the story, but let’s be honest, complications from labor wouldn’t cause a woman to…” he looked down at a notepad in his hand. “…scream bloody murder with black eyes rolling in their sockets as if she was possessed by the anti-Christ himself.”

Edward frowned, now looking angered at the detective. “Who gave you that information?” he demanded with a stern voice.

“I’m afraid that I can’t relay that information to you, Mr. Cullen, as this is an on-going investigation.”

Edward let go of my hand and leaned forward on the table toward the two opposite us. “Listen here: my wife died a month and a half ago. I buried her last month, and if you have any information about her death at all, I believe I have a right to know. Otherwise, I advise you to leave my house and my property.”

Detective Whitlock and that Webber woman immediately rose from their chairs and held out their hands to Edward. “We understand and apologize for the inconvenience.”

They started toward the door, and Edward and I followed them, but halfway there, the woman stopped and turned around. “Just one more thing. We would like your permission to exhume your wife’s body in order to do an autopsy and pinpoint exactly what killed her.”

Edward curled his upper lip in disgust toward the detectives’ nerves, and I wanted to grab his hand, but I didn’t dare to do that in the open. “When you have more evidence than some lunatic’s statement, something that can actually grant you a warrant, we can have this conversation again. Until then, I don’t want to see you around this house. Are we clear?”

As soon as the door was closed, Edward leaned against the wall with his head supported on his forearm. His breathing was short and shallow, and I yearned to walk up to him and put my arms around him, but I didn’t know if he would allow me.

“Edward?”

His other fist came up, and he punched the wall hard. I flinched, but didn’t move from my position behind him

“Can you believe those assholes?” he seethed. “They asked me to dig her up! How can they have the nerve to ask me that? I buried her just one fucking month ago!”

“I’m sorry, Edward. I don’t know what to say.” I tried to console him, but he wasn’t listening to me. He pushed away from the wall and started pacing back and forth in the hall all the while mumbling incoherently.

I had never seen him like that before, and it worried me to see how completely unraveled he became by that visit. I knew that he was still in pain, that was expected, but I was afraid that his love for Mrs. Cullen was too deep for me to ever replace her in his heart.

I couldn’t believe that a dead woman still over shone me in his eyes.

I placed myself in his path, determined to calm him down and make him snap out of whatever dark place he’d entered, but I didn’t want to slap him. He needed to be shocked out of it, and there was only one way for me because I could never physically hurt this man by will, so before he could react, I grabbed his face between my hands and kissed him hard.

He immediately leaned away and looked at me with wide, stunned eyes. “Bella, what are you—?”

I shook my head, and I let my hands fall away from him even though it hurt. I wanted to get closer, not further away, but I couldn’t force myself on him anymore than I already had. “Edward, please, I…”

I couldn’t finish the sentence. Instead I turned away from him and ran upstairs to the nursery. Hunter would wake from his nap soon, and I had to be there so that he wouldn’t become distressed by my absence.

I sank down in the rocking chair next to Hunter’s crib, and I couldn’t keep my tears in any longer.

I was positive that I’d screwed everything up down there, but I hadn’t been thinking rationally, and I wouldn’t just lose Edward now, but probably my job as well.

I would never get to see Contessa or Hunter again, both of whom I looked at as my own, so when Hunter stirred awake a while later, I picked him up and hugged him tightly against my chest, hoping to find comfort in his small form and perfect baby scent.

I wondered who Edward would hire to take care of them when I was gone, and I started to feel nauseous. Who could possibly replace me as their caretaker? Contessa saw me as her only mother figure now and Hunter would never allow anyone else to take care of him.

I placed Hunter on the floor on the blanket laid out there, and I began to play with him. He laughed when I blew raspberries on his stomach, and he kicked happily with his small legs when I acted out a little puppet show in front of him with his favorite stuffed animals.

He was so cute, and I ached to think that this might be my last time playing with him.

~***~

It wasn’t my last time, though.

Edward didn’t fire me that night.

In fact, he didn’t speak to me at all, not even to talk about his children. He was mostly locked up in his office when he wasn’t at work.

I didn’t hear more about the investigation, either. I had no idea what was going on at that front, and frankly, I didn’t care much. I knew that by this point, all traces of belladonna poison would have dissolved from Mrs. Cullen’s stomach contents, so even if they did exhume her body, they wouldn’t find what killed her.

It was two weeks after Detective Whitlock and Weber had been at the house when Edward got a phone call that caused him to storm out of his office, jacket hanging from his arm, and a pissed off expression on his face.

I didn’t ask him where he was going, but he mumbled out that he would be back soon when he passed me, so I wasn’t all too worried. It was probably something at work.

But it wasn’t.

Edward came back home late that evening, long after the children had gone to bed, and I was watching some TV in the living room. He came inside with slumped shoulders and a strained face, and I immediately shut off the TV.

“Edward?” He didn’t answer me. The only thing he did was come closer to me on the couch. “Edward, what’s wrong?”

He shook his head when he stood right in front of the couch, towering over me and making me tilt my neck, so I could continue looking at him.

His eyes, although weary, held a determined look in them, and I stiffened with surprise when his hands shot out and grabbed my upper arms to force me to stand up straight.

He looked all over my face as if he was searching for something, and then, before I could react at all, he crashed his mouth onto mine with a violent force that almost scared me.

I whimpered pathetically, both out of shock and pure pleasure that the man I had loved for four years was finally kissing me.

His hands buried themselves in my hair and used it to keep me in place while he devoured my mouth like a starving man. His tongue didn’t demand entrance; it forced its entrance, and I moaned like a wanton whore. I couldn’t help it. My entire body was on fire, my insides clenching pleasurably, and my center pulsating with the blood that had rushed down.

Although, when one of his hands went from my hair to the top button on my shirt, I had to lean away to halt his actions for a second, because even though what he did felt so good, I had no idea what brought it on.

He didn’t want to stop, though, and as soon as he lost contact with my mouth, he started to kiss and suck on my neck while still popping open my buttons one by one until my shirt was completely open.

“Uh, Edward, w-what’s going on?” I asked through my panting breath. I was tilting my head to the side to give him easier access, and my hands gripped his forearms with all of my strength.

“No talking,” he mumbled darkly into my neck, and I shivered at the vibrations caused by his voice against my skin.

“But Edward, I-I don’t understa—oh my god!” My sentence ended in an exclamation when his hand travelled over my bare stomach and groped my bra-clad left breast. Even though his handling was rough, it shot electric waves through my body, and the throbbing between my legs became even worse.

I barely registered the movement when Edward lowered me onto my back on the couch and then discarded his jacket and shirt at the same time. He lay on top of me, and the skin on skin contact almost burned me.

I didn’t care about an answer anymore. I didn’t need it. All I wanted was for him to continue and never stop, which was his intention. Edward wasn’t planning to stop at all. It was confirmed to me when he opened up my legs so that he could settle between them.

He thrust his growing erection into my center, and since I was only wearing simple cotton pants, the feeling that shot through me caused me to moan loudly.

It was also quite obvious that he didn’t have the patience for long foreplay, because his free hand, the one that wasn’t fondling my breast, went down to the button and zipper of my pants to open them up, but when the zipper didn’t want to go all the way down, he ripped my pants open.

I gasped and arched my back in an offer for him to continue everything he was doing. I wanted more, more of him, more of his actions, more of everything, and I knew that the easiest way to get it was to let Edward take the lead.

He stood up for a moment to take off my pants and my underwear at the same time which left me in my bra and open shirt, but otherwise I was completely bare to him.

He stared at my body for a short second, and it made my lower muscles clench and I moaned again. “Edward, I—”

“Ssh! No talking, remember?” he said in the same dark voice as before, and then he lay on top of me again. Knowing that it was only his pants between us now caused me to shudder and my arms wound themselves around him underneath his arms, which he had placed on the armrest by my head.

Even though I had told myself to let him lead, I was just as impatient as him, and my hands slid down the slope of his back until I reached his ass. I squeezed his cheeks through his pants, and he exclaimed through clenched teeth when I did it again.

Feeling encouraged by that, I took my hands to the front of his pants where I did the same as he’d done to me, although I wasn’t strong enough to rip them.

I grabbed the edges and pulled down as far as I could reach, but since Edward was hovering over me, that wasn’t very far, so I had to use my feet to push them down enough for his cock to be freed.

I felt it hit my stomach, and even though I couldn’t see it from my position, by the length I could feel against me, I knew I wouldn’t be disappointed by his size.

Edward let go of the arm rest and grabbed my leg underneath my knee and hooked it over his arm. I was completely open for him now, and I was so turned on by that thought. I could actually feel my wetness trickle down toward my rear entrance.

He didn’t waste any time. Only seconds later, he pushed himself inside of me as deep as he could go.

“Fuck!” he exclaimed underneath his breath at the same time as I whimpered out his name.

With his arm still hooked around my knee, he only used his other hand on the armrest as leverage, as well as a foot on the floor. His thrusts were hard and forceful, and I closed in on my orgasm faster than I ever had before.

It was fast, hard, sweaty, and quite messy, but it was by far the best sex I’d ever had.

~***~

I woke up the next morning when Edward shuffled out of the bed.

After the couch, Edward had carried me to his room and taken me again before we both fell asleep.

Now, he stood up, completely comfortable with being naked in front of me when it was daylight outside, and that made me smile widely. I was just completely lost in the man, and I hoped to wake up with him for the rest of my life. This was what I had yearned for years.

I stretched my arms over my head and noted that I felt a delicious ache in my body after last night, before I rolled over onto my side, my head supported on my hand, so that I could look at Edward while he got dressed.

“Are you ready to tell me what brought last night on now?” I asked him, but he did not turn around. He just tugged a pair of pants on and sat back down on the bed with his back to me. When his head fell forward into his cupped hands, I understood that something was wrong.

I secured the cover underneath my arms to cover myself and then stood up on my knees so that I could crawl up behind him.

When I touched his back lightly, he stiffened, and my heart fell down in my stomach. He was regretting last night.

“Tell me,” I demanded, and my voice was considerably colder now than it had been a minute before.

He sighed deeply and finally turned around to meet my eyes. His face was drawn in pain, and I really wondered what had happened last night for him to sleep with me, _twice_ , even though he clearly was in so much pain.

“Bella,” he said and exhaled deeply before starting again. “Bella, it wasn’t fair of me to do what I did last night. I knew after you kissed me in the hall that you have feelings for me that reach beyond a working relationship. Last night, I was so desperate for closeness, so I took advantage of you because I knew you would give me what I needed.”

He averted his eyes, very clearly in shame, but he wasn’t done. “I got a call yesterday that the investigators had a warrant for the exhumation of Alice’s body, and they needed me to come down to the station and sign the papers to show my consent of the action.”

His eyes became blank, and I knew that it was because of the pain of digging up his _beloved_ wife. My hate for the damn dead woman grew tenfold. Nothing I ever did would make him forget about her.

He continued. “I-I s-saw her. She was just lying there on a slab in the morgue. She had barely changed since her burial.” He paused for a few seconds, and when he spoke again, his voice had taken on the dark, detached tone that he’d used last night. “I was in so much pain when I came home. It was in my entire body. Everything felt heavy and all I could think about was getting rid of that feeling. I wanted to forget for just a short while.” He turned back around to me. “And there you were—so innocent in all of this and so worried for me. I could practically see that you would do anything if I asked it of you in that moment. I knew that you would give, and so I took.”

I had listened very closely to his story, and I had to suppress a smile when the realization came to me. I didn’t care about his shamed confessions about using me, because he’d just told me that he chose _me_ to help forget about _her_. That was exactly what I had hoped for the entire time, and I had such a golden opportunity now. I just couldn’t waste it.

I forced out a few tears to make it seem as if I was hurt by what he said, but I also used my hand to turn his face back to me so that he would look me in the eye.

“Edward, please, I want to help you forget your pain. I don’t ever want to see you hurting. These last months have been really difficult for me because I’ve wanted to comfort you, but I didn’t know how.” I released his face, but he shifted his weight so that he could still look at me without turning his head so much. “I won’t deny my feelings for you. I’ve had them too long. They’ve become a part of me. To deny them would be to deny myself.” I lowered my eyes to my hands which were playing with the cover around me.

“How long?” Edward asked gently.

“Do you really want to know?” I asked back with my eyes still directed toward my hands.

“Yes. I need to know.”

I took a deep breath before I finally looked up at him. “Since my interview,” I admitted, and I didn’t even have to act embarrassed anymore. My blush did that for me. “I know that it might sound ridiculous since I didn’t know you then, but I am positive that I fell in love with you that day, and I haven’t stopped loving you.”

He frowned, and I was scared that I’d screwed up with my honesty.

“You-you love me?”

I swallowed thickly and nodded.

“Is that why you’ve stayed this long?”

I shook my head. “Not exactly.” I stared into his eyes to gauge his reaction. “I’ve fallen in love with your children as well. In the beginning, it was only Contessa, but I love Hunter just as much now.”

My confession softened his eyes, and I knew that I’d gotten a bit closer to his heart by saying what I did. Since his wife’s death, his children were all Edward had left, and to hear that the woman in love with you also loves your children was probably more than Edward could ever hope for.

When Edward looked away from me for a minute, I could practically see the wheels in his head turning as he contemplated what all of this could mean. I decided to help him a bit.

“Edward, I’m not blaming you for last night. You’re still in excruciating pain after losing your wife, and I understand that. I just don’t want you to regret what happened between us, because last night was one of the best nights of my life.”

I boldly scooted closer to him so that I sat next to him instead of behind his back.

“You said that you used me to forget the pain. If you let me, I will do everything that I can to help you cope. I’m never going to ask you to forget about her,”— _lie_ —“but I want you to think about what it would mean if you gave us a chance.”

Edward stood up from the bed and started pacing. “What ‘ _us,_ ’ Bella? There is no ‘ _us_.’”

“But there could be,” I determinedly told him. “You might not feel for me what I feel for you, but after last night, you can’t deny that you’re attracted to me.”

He shook his head. “I’d never deny that. I think you’re a beautiful woman, Bella, but attraction is a huge step from love.”

“Don’t you think that you could come to love me eventually? We have great chemistry, I have nothing against the fact that you’re a father, and you’re attracted to me. Isn’t that exactly what you would be looking for in a woman when you started to search again?” I challenged him, and I knew that I had him there.

“Yes, that’s exactly what I would be looking for, but—”

“Then what’s so different with me? What’s stopping you? For heaven’s sake, we’ve already had sex _twice_!” I was starting to slowly panic. What if he didn’t catch the bait? What would happen then? What if he fired me? I would never see him again or the children.

“Yes, we have, and it was great, but Bella, you’re my nanny. It could never work.”

“Why not? Are you afraid your children wouldn’t accept me? Done deal, they already love me. I’ve taken care of Contessa since she was three and Hunter since the day he was born. I’m a huge part of their lives. There isn’t another woman that they would welcome into the family easier.”

“I know that.”

“Then what?”

He sighed deeply and then kneeled on the floor in front of me. He grabbed my hands in his, and the eyes that bore into mine were an intense green.

“Bella, I’m scared, that’s what. You’re a great woman, and I think you deserve more than a relationship based on convenience.”

His words almost broke my heart, and the tears that started to form in my eyes were genuine this time. “It would never be just convenient for me,” I said quietly and sniffled.

Edward’s hand came up and cupped my face tenderly. “I know that, and that’s what scares me. You have to understand that I’ve never looked at you in that way. I’m not saying this to hurt you, but I could never bear it if you walked around loving me, but never received any real love back. It wouldn’t be fair to you.”

I frowned despite my tears. “I’m willing to take the risk if it means that I get to be with you,” I said in a whisper.

Edward sighed again. “Oh, Bella, you love me too much for your own good.”

I placed a hand over his on my cheek. “Let me be the judge of that,” I said and leaned forward to place a tender kiss on his lips. It was completely different from the kisses we’d shared the night before, and something about it caused Edward to exhale violently, almost as if he’d been shocked by something.

I didn’t allow him to lean away. I had to do what I could to try and evoke feelings in him, and at the moment, I knew that the only thing I could appeal to was his physical desire for me, so I took what I could get.

It wasn’t difficult to get him worked up. It was as if my hands knew exactly how to touch him, and I soon had him panting. I was right there with him, and when I started to lean back onto the bed, he followed me willingly.

Neither of us stopped our actions, and this time when he entered me, the action wasn’t filled with desperation, but with wonder and hopefully ideas of a future between us.

~***~

It was difficult for our relationship to develop much after that morning.

There was too much going on around us for it to be possible to focus on anything romantic. The autopsy on Mrs. Cullen’s body had revealed that she had been poisoned, so they had officially declared her death as murder, but the embalming fluid that had been pumped into her body prior to her burial had destroyed all the evidence inside her organs, so they had no way of determining what kind of poison had killed her.

When that little information reached me, I knew that I was safe. Without the poison, they had absolutely nothing to trace back to me.

I had purchased the berries under a fake name and address, on a computer not connected to the house, and I had made sure that I didn’t have anything lying around. The berries themselves had been mixed into the smoothie that wasn’t even prepared by me, and when they were ingested, I hadn’t even been present.

Still, the investigators questioned everyone in the house several times, even Contessa to hear if she’d seen or heard anything she’d deem strange, but she wasn’t of much help to them because the only thing she could remember from the period of her mother’s sickness was the trips and activities I’d arranged to distract the children.

I had been questioned again after that because they wanted to know why I’d tried so hard to keep the children out of the house, but they couldn’t hold me on that when my answer was that I only did what any sane person who took care of children would do. No child should have to spend all their time in a house filled with a dull mood and sadness. Children should focus on being children, and that was exactly what I told the detectives.

When I came home from the station, I was visibly upset and it caused Edward to come to my side. I hadn’t noticed any change in his romantic feelings toward me, but since we’d always been friends, he was very protective of me. He didn’t like seeing me upset.

He was a bit more physical than usual, though. He’d really dedicated himself to seeing if he could fall in love with me, so any chance he got, he would touch me in a way that was deemed romantic.

He would hug me when he came home, he would cup my face or stroke my cheek with the tips of his fingers, and when we were together in his bed, he always took his time to explore my body and give me plenty of kisses.

I was quite pleased with what we had because it was more than I’d ever thought I would actually get before Mrs. Cullen’s death. I had dreamed and hoped, but that was all it had been: hopes and dreams.

Still, I wasn’t going to deny that it would be wonderful to hear him one day say that he loved me.

“What’s the matter, Bella?” he asked me and placed his hands around my middle.

I immediately leaned my head against his chest for the comfort I knew he could give me.

“That Detective Whitlock is after me. I’m positive that he believes I had something to do with Alice’s murder.”

Edward looked down at me and frowned. “That’s ridiculous! Why would he think that?”

I shrugged as best as I could in his embrace. “I don’t know, but he kept me for questioning for an hour and a half, asking the most stupid questions.” I sighed deeply and snuggled closer to Edward’s chest.

“What kind of questions?”

“They wanted to know how my relationship was to her, if she’d ever done anything that would make me angry with her.”

“Yeah, that is stupid questions. Alice was always kind to you, and you adored her. Anyone could see that.”

I smiled into his chest, but the reason behind the smile was quite different from what he probably believed. “Thank you! You always make me feel better when I’m upset.”

I leaned away from him and tilted my head up, and he instantly leaned down to kiss me.

Later that eveningmarked the moment Edward changed his mind about our relationship.

We had been playing with Contessa until she yawned, so we told her that it was time to go to bed.

She had recently asked for her own room, so one of the guest rooms across the hall from the nursery had been transformed into Contessa’s own room.

I had told Edward that I wanted to check on Hunter in the nursery and asked if he could put Contessa to bed, and I would come in after to read her a story.

Hunter was sleeping peacefully in his crib. After giving him a loving and gentle kiss on his small forehead, I went back to my little girl.

I was just outside of the door that was slightly ajar, about to go inside when I heard the conversation.

“Is Bella my new mommy now, Daddy?” Contessa asked in her light soprano voice.

“Why do you ask, honey?”

I stopped in my tracks and leaned in closer to hear better.

“I saw you kiss her the way you used to kiss Mommy today, and she’s not always sleeping in her room.”

“How do you know that, Tessa?”

“Sometimes, when I’m scared of the lightning, Bella lets me sleep in her bed with her, but last night, she wasn’t there.”

I almost heard Edward swallow nervously. “Maybe she was in the bathroom.”

“No, she was in your room,” Contessa stated with conviction.

Edward couldn’t avoid this one, and I waited with bated breath for his response, but it took a few seconds for him to answer.

“Well, I care a lot about Bella.”

I felt my heart beating furiously against my ribcage. I knew that Edward would never lie to Contessa, so what he said had to be true, but then again, he could mean that he cared about me as a friend.

“Do you like her the way you did Mommy?” Contessa pressed, and I promised myself that I would give her a kiss for asking all of the questions I wanted answered.

“I don’t know, princess. She’s been by my side through everything, and what she and I have isn’t possible to describe at the moment.”

“Are you going to marry her?”

My heart began beating even faster, so fast that I was afraid my breathing would be audible to them.

Once again, it took a few seconds for Edward to answer. “Well, if I did, what would you think about it?”

“I like Bella, and I’d like her to be my new mommy. She always plays with me.”

“So you wouldn’t be mad?”

“No,” Contessa said without hesitating, and I felt warmth created by love for the girl spread through my entire body. I felt so happy that I actually began to cry. I didn’t hear when Edward kissed her good night and made his way out of the room.

He saw me as soon as he exited, though, and he immediately knew that I’d heard their conversation.

“I’m sorry,” I apologized. “I didn’t mean to eavesdrop, but I heard my name and didn’t want to interrupt.”

Edward saw my tears, and he tenderly wiped them from my cheeks. There was a new light in his eyes that hadn’t been there before. He moved closer to me until our bodies were almost flush against each other

“I know that we haven’t tried to keep us a secret, but we haven’t made anything official, either,” he said lowly. “I don’t know exactly what I feel for you now, Bella, but I know that it’s more than I felt after our first morning. I was very negative then, but I’ve grown accustomed to the idea of us now, and I can see myself loving you one day. Just like you said, my children already love you, which Contessa just confirmed loud and clear, and I know Hunter will always see you as a mother to him. I don’t really have a reason to try and keep my distance from you, so I won’t.”

He swallowed and then wound his arms around my waist in an embrace similar to the one we’d had in the hall. “I want you to move your things into my room. I want it known in the house that we are in a relationship. It would lessen Contessa’s confusion and Rosalie would hopefully stop glaring at you if she knew that this is what I want.”

“What changed your mind?” I just had to ask. I needed to know that this was something he’d considered himself and not just a reaction to his conversation with his daughter.

He shrugged. “It’s been on my mind for the past few days. I just realized that what you tried to tell me before was the simple truth. I can never find a woman who can care for and love my children the way that you do. I am just lucky that we already have great chemistry and that you are a beautiful woman who loves me.”

We kissed gently, and I felt like I could just burst with happiness. Could it be true? Was I actually about to get everything I had dreamed of for four years? I had to be completely sure that I’d heard it all correctly.

“Are you serious?” I asked Edward, and he smiled beautifully at me.

“I can’t say that I love you today, but I’m positive that I’ll be able to say it in the near future, and I’m completely serious when I tell you that one day, I will make you my wife.”

Tears of happiness filled my eyes and spilled over. I couldn’t even begin to describe how I felt in that moment, but it overrode every moment that I’d had in my life up till then.

It wasn’t a declaration of love yet, but it was the prospect of it, and for the moment, that was all I needed.

~***~

Alice’s murder case went cold when no new evidence could push the case forward two months after her exhumation.

She was re-buried, and it became a tradition for the family to visit her grave on her birthday every year.

It didn’t bother me that they wanted to honor her memory because my envy of her ended about a year after mine and Edward’s wedding when I could feel our first child move inside of me.

I had always seen Contessa and Hunter as my children, but to have a child with Edward that was of my own flesh and blood made me feel that my place in the family could never be replaced.

No one could take it away from me, not even Mrs. Alice Cullen.


End file.
